“Who doesn’t want to have their vagina suckled like a horny baby piglet?” I thought to myself as I began unwrapping the Fiera, a device that’s specifically designed to increase arousal.
The Fierais not a vibrator. I have experience using a vibrator.This is a sex toy forthe woman who is just not feeling sex rn, you know? We’ve all been there. Sometimes you really want to want to have sex, but you just can’t get there in your head. Fiera is the thing that will bridge the gap. Thisis supposed to get you ~ready~ for that dick.
The press release refers to this as atoy for before-play,” aka “the moment you may not be in the mood, but want to be.”
The Fiera works by “stimulat[ing] blood flow in the clitoris and encourage[ing] vaginal lubrication, helping to build excitement for and elevate intimate experiences with your partner.”In short, it makes you horny by doing stuff to your vagina.
I told baethat we were going to try it, and he laughed at me. He was like, “When are you ever not in the mood?” And truth be told, yeah,I’m pretty consistently horny. I mean, consider what I do for a living. It’s not like I could write about blowjobs and anal sex all day without a healthy libido.
So, why did I want to try it?Full disclosure: I’ve been having problems getting wet lately.
I still have a ton of sex, but it takes a long time to get wet because my head gets ahead of my body. My head says “GO!” but my body says “NO!” As a result, my partner and I have had to use a lot of lube lately to get down and dirty. It’s annoying because, as any girl knows, you end up touching your hair with a lube-covered hand and it’s all over for you. So I hoped the Fiera could help me.
Before I got the Fiera, I wasn’t 100 percent sure what it actually was. The description from the press release referred to it as a “pleasure arousal tool” or some sh*t. What does that even mean? As far as I’m concerned, an elbow is a pleasure arousal tool. A cucumber could be a pleasure arousal tool.
The one thing I gleaned from the directions on the actual box was that this thing does not give you an orgasm.When I openedit, however, it did giveme a visceral, grossed-out reaction.
The design is pretty grotesque. I’m not saying vaginas are grotesque. Vaginas are great. I’m saying that I feel a toy or “instrument” (since this is not a toy; it’s a tool) should be aesthetically pleasing. But thislooks like a salmon sashimi roll. I’m not kidding. Ithasa reddish pink top that hangs over a white base like the discount rolls I get at this place on 26th street. Not anything any girl wants to think about.
The front part of Fierra has three interlacing pieces of salmon-pink plastic that move against your clit and “ignite your pleasure.”
When you turn it over, it gets really scary. It literally looks like a pussy. Or the Sarlacc pit from Star Wars.
This puppy also retails for $250, so it’smore expensive than most high-quality vibrators, and vibrators actually get you off. But I guess if you’re really having trouble getting aroused and want to save your sex life, no price is too high.
Getting this show on the mothaf*cking road
I followed the instructions for the Fiera, putting on the plastic top that goes over the scary mouth.
According to the directions, you only get 2-3 uses per plastic top and then it needs to be replaced. Mine came with only one, so right off the bat I’m thinking, “You’ve already paying $250 for this; shouldn’t it last? Why should you have to buy a bunch of new plastic heads like a razor set?”
If there’s one thing I like about my sex toys, it’s their longevity. They’re an investment.
I applied lube to the plastic top, per instructions, and turned it on.It stayed in place quite well and was easy to put on. The pressures and modes changedon their own throughout the experience.
What was amazing was how insanely wet I got after 8 minutes or so. It felt like I was wearing a very, very mild vibrator — a sort of surface clit stimulator.
Bottom line, it does what it is supposed to. It makes you f*cking horny.
Valentine’s Day weekend
What better way to test a sex toy than reading an Emily Giffin novel while you do so? “Any way other than that would be better!” some might say, but not me!