High Heel Hell: The 9 Emotional Stages Of Your Night Out In Heels
Heels are a blessing and a curse.
They make your legs look amazing, they give you those extra inches you never grew and they are just plain sexy. The struggle we ladies face is the sheer, daunting pain that comes with wearing heels.
The government should classify wearing these shoes for extended periods of time as a form of torture, though.
That throbbing, aching feeling that can only come from a pair of high heels is an exquisite horror that matches that of menstrual cramps.
Yet, we own hundreds of pairs and wear them anyway. Beauty is pain, right? RIGHT?!
Here are the nine emotional stages of your night out in high heels:
1. You feel amazing in your new, 7-inch high heels.
You stare at yourself in the mirror and cannot get over how awesome your legs look. These babies were definitely worth your paycheck. Who cares if you’re going to be eating ramen noodles for the next three weeks?
2. The struggle is real when it’s time to climb down your stairs.
This is when that decision to live in a fifth-floor walk-up is looking pretty bleak.
You’re regretting wearing such a tight dress and your face is white from the panic of an impending, and likely, face plant. Breaking bones on the way out to the club? Not cute.
3. You’re standing in line and the pressure is on.
The pads of your feet are starting to ache, but you got this, girl.
4. Dancing is never easy, but you do it anyway.
Now that you’ve numbed your feet with several vodka crans, you’re tearing up this Nicki Minaj song.
5. The pain is setting in.
After two-plus hours standing on your feet, it’s becoming very clear you’re not going to push through this. No amount of liquor can numb all the blood that has drained to the front of you tootsies.
Pain. So much pain. You hate your heels and want to banish them to hell.
7. The sway. You need a chair. NOW.
You hope no one notices, but you are definitely bouncing from one foot to the other. How are these couches in clubs so miniscule?
8. You give in.
You did your best, but sometimes you just have to know when to say f*ck it, accept you’re going home alone and put on those flats.
9. Ah, sweet relief.
God bless your Fast Flats and their easy, foldable design. They save you from the darkest of places. What did we ladies do before them?
Top Photo Courtesy: 20th Century Fox/The Devil Wears Prada