Having A ‘Spark’ With Someone Isn’t Always Enough To Stay In A Relationship
Ive been talking to a lot of friends recentlyabout their respective datingproblems, and Im starting to notice a theme.And if this many of my friends are struggling with it, theres a chance some of you are, too.
Now, we all know the spark, right? Its that feeling whenyou meet someone and you just know theyre going to matter. They area complete stranger but, for one reason or another, something about them draws you in and you instantly feel a deepconnection.
I really do love the spark just as much as the next rom-com-loving girl.Butsometimes, itreally isnt enough.
For instance, someof my friendsseem to be under the impressionthat a spark in a relationship is an excuse to put up with some douchebag treating you like shit.
But if ALL someonecan offer you is a spark, you needto realizethat you deserve more.
Im not saying you have to give up on the spark completely. In fact, youre not wrong to want it. But a lot of the time, only having a spark willleave you hurt and disappointed. So, you just need to revise your relationship goals a little bit.
Instead of blindly following a spark, try goingfor a spark with a side of stability.
Duringthe long conversations with my friends inwhich we compared and contrasted every guy weveever been with we realized the best partnerswere the ones who gave us both: The spark and dependability.
Regardless ofhow deep your connection is, if your SO isgoing to bail on every single plan you make,cheat on you, or refuse to call you his girlfriend after months of seeing each other, there comes a point whenthat initial spark just isnt enough.
That being said, you dont want to give up on the power of the spark entirely. When it comes to dating, Im picky. My worst nightmare is settling for some boring, average dud who I have no real connection with.
Frankly, Id rather be alone.
Because of this, the spark is important. More than that, itsnecessary. Itswhat keeps you fighting for the relationship, even when times inevitably get tough. Its what makes you continue to smile at your phone like a total dork when he texts you months and months down the line. You cant sacrifice it.
But if its all you have, youre going to get hurt. Notice that I didnt say,You might get hurt.
Its a general fact: If all you have is witty banter or fantastic sex, youre going to wind up disappointed.
See, you can have wittybanter with a guy who cheats on you. You can have fantasticsex with a guy who will never want to call you his girlfriend. You can feel totally comfortable with a guy who flakes on every single plan he makes with you. You can have deep heart-to-hearts with a guy who doesnt talk to you for days on end.
And I promise you, every single one of those guyswill shatter your heart to pieces every single time.
Setting your hopes up high for someone only to have them disappoint you undoubtedly sucks. Sometimes, they just cant give you what you want which doesnt necessarily mean that they dont care about or love you. It just means you deserve better than what theyre capable of giving.
Its also important to note thata failed relationshipdoesnt make the spark you felt any less real. Your connection with that person was real; it just wasntenough to sustain a relationship.
OK,now that Ive thoroughly depressed you, there is a BRIGHTside to all of this.
You can find someone who gives you both! You can find someone with whom you feel a massive connection who ALSO treats you like gold.
That personexists, I promise. And thats who you deserve to be with not the guy who makes you soarsky-high one minute only to letyou crash and burnthe next day. And its definitely not the guy who doesnt make you feel anything.
No, you deserve the guy who gives you a spark and then some.
He may take a little more time to find, but I promise you, hes out there.