Being A F*ckboy Actually Prepared Me For A Successful Marriage
The person who said people can change was a liar. No one fully changes who he or she is. People just adapt to their new situations.
For example, if you were a world-class assassin who decided to give it all up to become a farmer, you’d still be a world-class assassin. The only difference is, you would just havea farmer’s tan now.
No, you’re not killing people for money anymore. But the thought still runs through your mind from time to time. You may never act on that thought for the rest of your life. But that doesn’t erase what you once were.
The same goes for f*ckboys. Just because you’re dedicated to your relationship today doesn’t mean someone, somewhere won’t be able to call you out on your faulty past.
I want to be clear about the fact that I wasn’t always a f*ckboy. In the beginning, I was an innocent player. I was going through women like emotions.
But going through my f*ckboy phase taught me a lot about both myself and where I was in my life. Most importantly, it prepared me for my marriage.
I remember the day I turned into a f*ckboy like it was yesterday. I was 22 years old, and I was in my prime player phase. I had a number of women at my disposal, and the best part about it was they knew about my ways but didn’t care.
I was 100 percent honest with them, and they took it for what it was worth. Now, I had two main girls: my number one and my one-A. These were the girls I took out on dates. They met my friends and (of course) we had unprotected sex.
I can recall one particular day when I had sex with number one and spent the whole day with her. Then, one-A texted me, wanting to hook up. So, I left number one behind, took a shower at my place and proceeded to fulfill one-A’s requests.
Believe it or not, this is not when I became a f*ckboy. But that moment came soon after, when some unexpected information came to light. My number one and one-A had a connection: Their kids went to the same after-school program.
Now, like I said before, both of them knew I had other women. But for some reason, after they found out about each other, things began to change.
They both started pressing me to leave the other one. My number one was a little more adamant about the situation. There was something about me sharing my time with someone she knew that bothered her.
So, she pressed and pressed. She pressed until I did something I should have never done: I lied to her. This was the day a f*ckboy was born.
I told my number one that if she didn’t want me seeing my one-A, I wouldn’t. Without any proof or second-guessing, number one believed me. Things went back to normal.
Here’s why I shouldn’t have lied: Number one had gotten her feet wet and now, she wanted to see how deep that sea of false hope went. So, every time she would ask me about another girl, I would lie just so she would get off my back. It was one lie on top of another lie.
But I kept it together as long as I could.Soon after, my web of lies took a turn for the worse.
Around 2012 or so, Kevin Hart was just getting into super stardom, and I was living paycheck to paycheck. My number one had never heard of Kevin Hart prior to this. Hard to believe. I know.
Netflix was the most consistent wingman in the game at the time. It wasn’t this cheap trend created by Millennials known as “Netflix and chill.”
Needless to say, she fell in love with Kevin Hart. To be honest, this made our relationship stronger. Shortly after that, I was with number one when she handed me an envelope. Inside said envelope were two tickets to see Kevin Hart in Las Vegas.
I barely had enough money to see him in theaters, let alone in Vegas. Then, a second envelope was handed to me. Inside was my plane ticket, along with a hotel reservation.
Now, I wasn’t a natural-born f*ckboy. So initially, this didn’t feel right.
I told her I had no money to pay for anything if I went. She said it was OK, and that she would take care of everything. In hindsight, I can admit that even though she said she would pay for everything, that didn’t make the situation any better.
But I went anyway, and it was all on her dime. She bought me an outfit for the show. She paid for all my drinks. She gave me money to gamble, and I even met the Jabbawockeez at the show. I had a blast. For those four days, we belonged to each other.
The problem was, reality hit the second we got back home. I was doing what I always did, and we were no steps closer toward being anything more than a fling.
She didn’t appreciate that very much, and rightfully so. I had just used her to have this amazing, all-expenses paid trip to Vegas. My gratitude was, I’ll see you later when I need something else.
To wrap up this story, it was pure hell after that. It included legal threats, the police, disappointed children, a scary visit to the clinic and a lot of taking things back. I had to pay back my side of the expenses from the Vegas trip, as well as other things she had bought me.
To make matters worse, my one-A got involved. I ended up losing her, too. Slowly but surely, my whole team got dismantled. I was left with nothing.
It was the end of an era.
So, what did I learn from all of this, and how did the experience prepare me for my marriage? Well, for starters, I learned you should never lie to your partner, even if you’re just f*ck buddies.
Marriage is built on a foundation of trust. If you don’t have that, it’s doomed from the start. My wife has the password to my phone and laptop, which means she essentially has access to every social media post, text message and phone call I ever make.
It’s not that she doesn’t trust me. The truth is, we’re open with regard to everything that’s going on in our lives. I have nothing to hide, and neither does she.
Another thing I’ve learned is you can’t get involved with children if you don’t plan to stick around. At one point, I was in number one’s kids’ lives to a great extent. It got to the point where one of them called me “daddy” in front of her whole family.
I pretended like I didn’t hear it, but it was still pretty freaking awkward. I just had my first son with my wife on April 29, 2016. I couldn’t imagine (God forbid) if my wife and I ever got a divorce and she became a single mother looking for love.
Let’s say she actually finds a guy who she likes and feels comfortable enough to bring around our son. Kids latch on so easily to someone they like. It should be a crime to let them down.
If this guy hurts my son’s mother and just walks out of his life, there’s no telling what kind of damage it could do. I’m cognizant of what that means now. I will make sure I do everything to never let that happen to my son. I also want to instill it in him to never do this to some poor woman in the future.
Last but not least, I found out that I wasn’t the only onewho had feelings. Hurting women as a f*ckboy hurt me to my very core.
If a girl was upset that I was being a dick when I was a player, it really didn’t bother me. I justified it by saying she knew what she was getting into. So, all that anger she had toward me wasjust her being mad at herself.
But if you’re a f*ckboy, it’s completely your fault. There’s no reason to shred another person’s emotions to bits and pieces for your own pleasure. But that’s what I did, whether I realized it or not.
During the first few months of my marriage, the tide was a little shaky because I still had some selfish ways about me. Marriage is really about the give and take. It’s about compromise, disagreeing and supporting one another other.
There is no “you pay for everything” because you share the same money. I love and support my wife like no other man can. It’s the best feeling in the world.
So, my player and f*ckboy ways are long behind me. But going by my own logic, shouldn’t I still be a f*ckboy today?
I was. There’s no doubt about that. But I adapted.
I have no doubt in my mind that my wife and I will honor our “’til death do us part” vows. But every now and then, I come across a young guy who reminds me of the person I was five years ago. I listen to his stories and give him advice. Sometimes, I put myself in his shoes and think about what I would have done if I were him.
So, for all the f*ckboys out there: Get it out of your system now because once you meet “the one,”you’ll cherish that person more than you cherish your own life.